


In the Arms of His Angel

by ChucklesCPfic



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: AU, Angst, M/M, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-27
Updated: 2016-04-27
Packaged: 2018-06-04 19:12:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,886
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6671686
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChucklesCPfic/pseuds/ChucklesCPfic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tom and Chakotay reach the end of their journey. (Written April 2016)</p><p> </p><p>  <b>Warning: Death fic. Please don't read this if you're likely to be upset by the theme of suicide.</b></p>
            </blockquote>





	In the Arms of His Angel

“Mr. Paris. Can you hear me? Lieutenant?”

He recognised the voice, but he couldn't put a name to it.

“Tom. Can you hear me? You're in sickbay.”

Ah, the Doctor. He remembered now and vaguely wondered how he could have forgotten. He struggled to open his eyes, finally managing to lift one lid and peer blearily at the form standing next to his bed. 

“Doc?” His voice was weak, rough, his throat burned.

“Mr. Paris. How are you feeling?”

“Like death.”

“Yes, well....”

“Doctor. Let me.” A different voice. He recognised that one immediately. The Captain. He wondered if Chakotay was with her.

“Cha? Are you there?” His vision was still hazy, but he forced open his other eye and tried to sit up. “Where's Cha? Cha?”

“Tom.” He felt the Captain's warm hand taking hold of one of his cold ones. “Chakotay isn't here, Tom.”

He struggled up, pulling his hand free as he tried to get off the bed.

“Mr. Paris.” The Doctor again. “Sit down before you fall down. You need to rest.”

“Where's Chakotay? Why isn't he here?”

He only caught a glimpse of the hypospray out of the corner of his eye; there wasn't enough time to avoid it. He felt it pressed against his neck and then... darkness.

Time passed without him knowing it.

When he woke again, he felt stronger, rested. His eyes blinked open and he noted the sickbay lights had been dimmed and the EMH seemed to be offline. He didn't know the Doctor was out, attending an emergency.

“Doc?”

He sat up and looked around, then swung his legs over the edge of the bed and stood.

“Anyone here?”

Walking to the Doctor's office, he peered in through the door. There was no sign of the EMH but his console screen was glowing, so he stepped in to take a look at it. 

Details of the Doctor's call-out. 

“Chakotay?”

Tom stepped back, crashing into a chair and sending it careering across the room.

“Chakotay?!”

He stumbled out of the office, panic gripping his heart as he fled sickbay and charged down the corridor to the turbolift. The door was already open and he stumbled in, calling out the deck his quarters were on, just before his stomach tightened and bile rose in his throat. He spat it out, not caring where he was, then leapt out the doors as soon as they opened again.

Hurtling down the corridor, his vision blurred by stinging tears, he ran to his door, racing through the moment it slid open.

“Cha!”

“Mr. Paris.” The Doctor sounded shocked as he looked around and stood up. “You shouldn't be here.”

“Chakotay? Cha!”

He sank to his knees, staring at the unbelievable sight before him. Staring at the pool of blood on the floor. Chakotay's blood.

“Cha....”

He shuffled forward, his hand outstretched, his breath ragged, an indescribable pain ripping through his chest.

“No. No!”

His screams echoed around the room and rattled off the walls.

“EMH to the Captain. Please come to Lieutenant Paris's quarters immediately.”

“Cha.” His voice was hoarse. “My Angel....” Pleading eyes looked up at the Doctor. “Fix him,” he demanded. “Fix him! Fix him! Fix him now!”

“Mr. Paris.” The Doctor spoke softly, bending down and gently placing photonic hands on his trembling shoulders. “It's too late. He's gone. I... I can't fix him. I'm so sorry.”

“No!”

He hadn't heard the door open again and he swung around, startled, as the Captain knelt next to him and once more took his hand. “Tom. I'm so sorry. I...” Her voice broke as she tried to speak, tears unashamedly rolling down her face. “He... he thought you were dead, Tom. He....” She closed her eyes as she tried to compose herself. “You were dead when you were brought into sickbay, Tom. Chakotay.... Chakotay left before the Doctor revived you. He didn't know. He didn't know you were alive. I... I came here to tell him, after the Doctor gave you the sedative, but....”

“It was too late, Mr. Paris.” He distractedly watched the Doctor's mouth as the words left his holographic lips. “He took his own life.”

“No.” His voice was just a whimper. “No. He didn't. No. Revive him. Bring my Angel back. Please! Please!”

His body was shaking. His head felt light, his hearing muffled. He was in shock, but unaware of it. He looked around, his almost unseeing gaze coming to rest on the blood-spattered photo of himself held in Chakotay's lifeless hand.

It was the last thing he saw before he descended once again into darkness.

“Tom? Buddy?”

That was Harry's voice, he thought, as awareness gradually started to creep over him. But why was Harry here? What was wrong?

“Tom? You waking up?”

He drew in a shaky breath and opened his eyes. “Harry? What are you doing here?” He looked around, frowning. “Why am I in your quarters? What....”

“Tom.” 

His frown deepened as Harry sat on the edge of the bed and put a hand on his shoulder. 

“How are you feeling? You've been out of it for two days. Can you sit up?”

He nodded and pulled himself upright. “Why am I here, Harry? Where's....” His face crumpled as he suddenly remembered. “Cha! Oh, my God! Harry...” he gripped his friend's shirt and shook him, “sickbay,” he whispered urgently, “I've got to get to sickbay. Chakotay needs me.”

“Tom, stop.”

He noted the distress on Harry's face and in his voice, but he still struggled out of bed.

“Stop, Tom. Please. Please!”

“I can't, Harry. I....”

“Tom.”

Why was Harry crying? he wondered.

“Tom. Please. Sit down.”

He sank down onto the bed and gazed worriedly at his best friend. “Just for a minute, then, Harry. No longer. Chakotay will be missing me.”

“Tom.” He watched as Harry rubbed at his eyes with his sleeve. “Chakotay.... He... he isn't in sickbay, Tom. He's not there.”

“Not there?” He smiled, happy his Angel had been fixed. “He's at home, then? I'd better go to him. I'll talk to you later, Harry. Thanks for.... Well, for looking after me, I guess, while Cha was ill.” He stood up and walked to the door, surprised when Harry sprung up and tried to stop him. “Let me go, Harry. I promise I'll come back later. Really.”

He pushed past his friend and left the cabin, still smiling at the thought of seeing his lover whole again and planning on thanking the Doc for fixing him. He took the lift to his deck and headed for his room, slowing his pace as it came into view, curious as to why the EMH and the Captain were stood outside his door. He walked forward, vaguely aware that Harry had caught up with him and was following, just behind.

“Did you want to see me, Captain?” He went to key in his access code, but the EMH stopped him. “Doc?”

“Mr. Paris.” The Doctor looked troubled, as did the Captain. “You need to come with us.”

He shook his head. “I can't, Doc. Not right now. I need to see Chakotay first.” 

He looked around as Harry took his arm and spoke softly to him. “Chakotay's not in your cabin, Tom. He's....”

“He's dead, Tom.” 

The Captain's words instantly turned the blood in his veins to ice.

“He's in the morgue, at the back of the cargo bay. We'll take you there, if you want to see him and say goodbye.”

“Goodbye? Why would I...?” He turned to the EMH. “You fixed him... didn't you?”, So, why...?”

“Lieutenant,” the Doctor took his other arm, “come with us. Please. You need to accept the truth. Commander Chakotay committed suicide two days ago. He's dead, Tom.”

Stunned into silence, he allowed himself to be led wherever they wanted to take him. He couldn't comprehend their words. Nothing made sense. Nothing felt real. Was his heart still beating? He couldn't feel it.

The cooler air of the cargo bay hit him and he shivered, his legs barely able to hold him up as he was brought to a halt in front of a long row of hermetically sealed caskets - some large, some much smaller; some occupied, some not. The EMH stopped at one and tapped the release button, the top of the metal container rising up a short way before sliding fully back, leaving the casket open and its contents on view to all.

“Cha?” He reached out with an unsteady hand and shakily touched the ice-cold skin of his lover's face. “Angel?” Tears ran down his cheeks and dripped into the casket as he used a trembling finger to lovingly trace the tattoo on Chakotay's brow. “You went without me, Cha. The Doc didn't fix you. You left me here, alone.”

He looked away, staring at the three officers standing a few feet behind him. “He's gone. He's really gone. You didn't fix him.”

And then the floodgates opened and he collapsed to the floor, sobbing himself into oblivion.

It was a few more days before awareness returned, and he woke up in Harry's bed again, his friend quietly sitting on a chair by his side.

“Tom.” Harry's voice was subdued. “I've got to get to the bridge. B'Elanna's coming by, though; you'll only be alone for about ten minutes. Will you be okay?”

He stared at his friend, out of blue eyes dull and lifeless. “You're leaving?”

“I have to, Tom. I'm part of an away team. We're orbiting a planet; their leaders have agreed to trade with us. The Captain wants me to check out the mineral supplies.”

“Okay.”

“You'll be all right?”

He nodded. “Go, Harry. I'm going to sleep, anyway, for a long time.”

“If you're sure.”

“I'm sure.”

He watched as his friend stood and made his way to the door. “Thank you, Harry, for everything. I could never have asked for a better best friend.”

“That goes both ways, Tom.”

He smiled. “Goodbye, Harry.”

“Bye, Tom.”

He waited until the outer door shut and then crawled out of bed, dressing in his own clothes he'd found in the living area, stacked neatly on the couch. He left his comm badge on the table and went to the replicator, quickly bypassing security and ordering a hypospray filled with a heavy-duty sedative. Scooping it up, he dashed out of the cabin and disappeared down the corridor.

He never knew of the search that was mounted for him. Never knew of the turmoil he left behind. Never knew that they didn't find him – at least, they didn't find him then.

It wasn't until many years later, after Voyager's triumphant return to the Alpha Quadrant that he finally turned up.

The shuttlecraft landed on Dorvan V, with many of Chakotay's friends bearing the Commander's casket, carrying it down the exit ramp onto his home soil. 

Kolopak's widow – Chakotay's mother – stood weeping with her other sons as her eldest boy touched the container's release button, wanting the sunshine to touch his brother's body once more, even though he'd never feel it.

It was as the lid slid slowly open that they saw him, a smile on his face and a hypospray at his side. 

Tom Paris, devoted lover of their kinsman, eternally asleep in the arms of his Angel.


End file.
